By: Kristy Kemp
Being a mom has taught me , well I would have to write a book to share everything, but I will share a few. Being a mom has taught me what true unconditional love means. That it is possible to love so deeply it hurts. That even if you have done everything right it’s all wrong. Your patience is tested every single day some days you pass the test with flying colors and some days you fail miserably, but you learn to forgive yourself even more everyday. It’s hard to accept that you’re human because that means you make mistakes and being a mom has taught me that the thought I may mess up terrifies me because I set myself to some perfect non human standard. When reality hits and I make a mistake which I inevitably do, the feeling of guilt overwhelms me because remember that non human standard I try to live up to? The standard in which I do all the right things, say all the right things, yeah it’s not humanly possible. I learned instead of trying to live by some unrealistic standard, to instead realize that I can’t and learn to accept and be okay with it and not hide in a corner thinking my life’s a disaster. It was really hard in the beginning to let go of all the guilt and the shame, but I learn to let go of just a little each and every single day.
I learn how to give my undivided attention even when I’d rather be watching Netflix. I learn how to put aside what I’d rather be doing, so I can to what someone else would rather be doing and I will probably end up enjoying it more, that the deliria talking, who am I kidding a lot of the time it’s a bore, but hey on the plus side It’s taught me to appreciate the me moments that much more. It’s taught me that sometimes it’s okay to put myself first because if I’m not taken care of I cannot be at my best to take care of someone else. I learned that some days my child will hate me and that it’s a sign I’m doing something right because raising a kid means guiding them despite the fact they don’t want you to, but part of being a parent means knowing that they won’t hate you forever, but grow up appreciating that you taught them love and respect even though they put up a fight. That time they uttered those three words parents everywhere dread to hear , “I hate you” meant nothing compared, to the life long lessons that you taught them so that they would grow up prepared. It may hurt in the moment , it may cut you deep like a knife, but you soon learn that they were just empty words that were said out of spite. You learn that sometimes you have to make tough choices that you would rather not have to do , but you learn that you’re a parent and that means doing what you don’t want to do, but have to, because that comes with being a parent and it’s what good parents do.
I learned that being a mom means making a choice even when you don’t know exactly what the outcome will be , but you don’t have time to think because I learned that often times being a mom means being quick on your feet. No time for second guessing just going with your gut and being able to accept that going with your own gut is enough. Being a mom has taught me that I will learn something new about myself everyday, that life is a process of growing in an ever changing way. Part of learning means accepting you do not know it all and that was probably the biggest lesson that was the hardest of them all. That knowing it all isn’t what’s important, it’s about having an open mind to learn things as you go because if you don’t do that than you will never learn to grow.
Being a good parent isn’t one who thinks they know it all by day one, it’s one who can accept that it takes time to learn your child’s individual needs and wants. Realizing that children aren’t robots they don’t come with an instruction book. So you can’t come into it with all the answers because you first have to learn them . Your child is your teacher & that’s where you should look to Learn how to be the best mom. Not from a book, or a forum, or your neighbor down the street, and the quicker you understand that the more successful you will be. The quicker you accept that the best parenting information you will learn isn’t coming from a book, you will pay a whole lot more attention to the daily lessons your child teaches you when you finally know where to look. The best parenting advice I could give is go into it with eyes wide open , but no expectations and don’t have all the answers because you won’t be open to learning the real ones , that only your kid can teach you , so just be patient and willing to learn because that’s probably the best thing you can do as a parent instead of pretending you already know all the answers because good parents are open to learn. I know what you’re thinking can I be anymore vague? I’m not gonna tell you what I think would be best for your child because I honestly do not know. How can I tell you what is best when I’m still learning that about my own? Do you get it now? Have you understood my point? Being the best parent you can be means reading the books and hearing unsolicited advice , but knowing that it may not work because your child may have other plans in store. So the best parenting advice I would have given myself back then is to take this parenting thing day by day and it’s absolutely okay to not know all the answers right away! That the road to being a good parent is a journey that both you and your child have to take and grow through together. That is the true key to good parenting.