By: Kristy Kemp
Butter- Someone who claims to fully support breastfeeding, BUT really does not.
One day out of pure frustration of all the people who would comment, “I support breastfeeding and all, but just cover it up.” I came up with a graphic introducing, “Butter” to the breastfeeding community and it caught on rather quickly. It made sense, it’s someone butting into someone else’s breastfeeding choices. I wanted a word that was satire, catchy, a bit comical, yet brought awareness to a serious issue, which is people who think they are supporting breastfeeding, they claim to support it, but they really don’t. It’s important to me that the, ‘Butters” are aware of their Butterisms , because on the off chance they really do want to support breastfeeding and they just aren’t aware that their words aren’t true support , calling them a Butter will make them aware.
I also need to clarify that you aren’t considered a Butter when you are referencing yourself. People get confused by that. For instance, when they say, “I support breastfeeding in public, but I personally only feel comfortable using a cover.” No you aren’t a butter when the conditions you place are only on yourself. It’s when people try to place conditions on OTHER mamas. The whole point of the Butter word is to remind people to be supportive of ANY choice a breastfeeding mama makes. So that would be a contradictory use of the word if I would refer to a breastfeeding mom as a Butter who is only stating what her personal preference is.
It’s not about name calling or anything like that. I have had a lot of people flip out over my use of this word saying how it’s immature , I shouldn’t call people names, yada yada yada. Which is funny considering they had no care or consideration for the mom they were criticizing. Again, when I refer to someone as a Butter it’s just my way of making them aware that they aren’t true supporters of breastfeeding. Which I believe to be a fact. If you want to claim to support something you can’t only support it as long as they do it to your liking. Other people say, “Okay well why waste your time? Why do you need to call them out on their lack of true support?” Like I mentioned above , it’s important to the breastfeeding community that people know what true support entails and what it means, it’s important that the people are made aware they aren’t really supporting breastfeeding on the off chance they may not even be aware and change the way they talk about breastfeeding in the future. Yes, I have had successful conversations with previous Butters , they realized the errors in their ways and have been promoted to breastfeeding supporter. True story.
1.) “I support breastfeeding, but only if you use a cover.”
Many moms prefer to use a cover and that’s great if that is what makes them happy and comfy, but many moms and babies prefer to not use a cover because they simply do not want or need to. No justification needed really. This one is probably used the most out of all the Butter lines and placing your own stipulation on how a mom should nurse is simply not supportive of her breastfeeding rights.
2.) “I support breastfeeding, but only until age one or two then you should have them weaned.”
The WHO actually doesn’t even put an age limit on the age a kid should wean. They promote breastfeeding until the age of two or beyond. There is absolutely no scientific data to back why a mom should have her kid weaned by age one or two. So again, that is just yet another personal stipulation someone is trying to place on breastfeeding moms and it’s not supportive at all.
3.) “I support breastfeeding, but only in the privacy of your home.”
So according to this statement , they support you being a breastfeeding mom, but only if you never leave the house the whole time you’re breastfeeding. Yeah, no , you don’t support breastfeeding and you’re a Butter.
4.) “I support breastfeeding, but wet nursing is gross.”
Wet nursing is a fantastic option for moms and babies. A wet nurse is someone, usually a breastfeeding mom herself, who breastfeeds a baby that is not biologically hers.
5.) “I support breastfeeding , but not if you have alcohol.”
Science and facts say that there are ways to consume alcohol safely as a breastfeeding mom. I understand that not every single breastfeeding mom wants to drink alcohol and that’s their choice! No one is pouring alcohol down their throats, but them not believing there is no risks , is again, their personal OPINION and preference , when there are facts and science to challenge it.
6.) “I support breastfeeding, but use a pump so you can bottle feed in public.”
Do I really need to entertain this with a response on why that statement isn’t at all supportive? I guess so… No mom should ever feel like she HAS to pump , especially if she doesn’t want to. Pumping is hard work and extra work , that no breastfeeding mom should be forced into. The law says she has the right to breastfeed in public, by someone suggesting she should bottle feed instead are definitely not being supportive of breastfeeding.
7.) “I support breastfeeding , just not in front of my husband or kids.”
Saying that you would prefer a mom hide away if she needs to breastfeed and your kids and husband is around is implying that she is doing something wrong. You wouldn’t say that had she whipped a bottle out , so it’s contradictory to suggest that about breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is feeding, unless you’re against them seeing the act of feeding in general then you shouldn’t have a problem with them seeing breastfeeding.
8.) “I support breastfeeding, but do it in the bathroom or your car.”
Okay , ew… How anyone could suggest a mom breastfeed in a bathroom and state they support breastfeeding in the same sentence, is beyond me. Again suggesting that a breastfeeding mom hideaway is not supportive of her breastfeeding rights at all. If you support breastfeeding then you would support it whether inside a bathroom or out.
9.) “I support breastfeeding, but only at appropriate time and place, and a Church or Funeral is not the time or place.”
True support of breastfeeding means supporting a moms need to feed and a baby’s need to eat , no matter where they happen to be. A baby doesn’t have some magical brain power that tells them not to be hungry at a church or funeral, that’s ridiculous. Plus, The Pope openly promotes and encourages moms to breastfeed we should take a page from his book.
10.) “I support breastfeeding, but I do not think you should plaster breastfeeding picture all over social media.”
Posting breastfeeding pics is just like posting about any other part of your life. Moms have many reasons for why they like to post the pictures the main one being for the normalization and support of breastfeeding. Being against breastfeeding pictures is being against breastfeeding, which means you are wrongfully claiming to support breastfeeding.
11.) “I support her right to breastfeed, but I don’t think the business should receive backlash for asking her to cover up they were only doing their job , trying to make the customers happy.”
A business is a public place which means an employee requesting a mom leave, move to a different location, or cover up, they have now infringed on her rights according to law to feed her baby. It’s absolutely crucial that they realize they cannot do that and it’s important to bring awareness to it which in turn might cause them to get backlash so that other businesses learn what not to do and how to properly handle a situation if it ever came up. If you think that breastfeeding moms should just lie down when they get discriminated against then you do not fully support their right to breastfeed.
If you want to claim that you support breastfeeding you have to support the whole package, It isn’t , “I support If” or “I support, but” it’s I fully support breastfeeding, wherever, however, and for however long a woman chooses. If you can say that with a straight face, you are not a Butter, and a true supporter of breastfeeding.
Still not sure if you’re a Butter? Take this, “Am I A Butter?” Quiz to find out!