An Open Letter To The Mom Who Didn’t Breastfeed From A Breastfeeding Advocate…

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I do not know the reason on why you didn’t breastfeed and guess what? I don’t spend my time obsessing over trying to figure out why either. It’s not that I don’t care about your story because I do and if you choose to share it I will listen with an open heart.
Here is why I do not obsess over the fact you don’t breastfeed:

1.) I cannot change the fact you didn’t breastfeed so spending my time giving you the third degree is pointless and would come off judgmental and rude and I’m not about that. I don’t want to criticize you and I don’t want you to feel judged by me.

2.) Because I promote acceptance on a daily basis. I feel like those who argue for a woman’s right to breastfeed how she chooses goes hand in hand with feeding choices in general. Putting down a mother for not choosing breastfeeding is placing conditions and stipulations which directly contradicts the freedom of choice that we are fighting for.

3.) I do not believe the way a mother nourishes her baby defines her. I do not believe that a mom who breastfeeds is better than a mom who doesn’t.

4.) I too, had my own struggles, shame , and regret with my breastfeeding journey and I refuse to be the culprit for someone else’s.

5.) My passion is for supporting mothers unconditionally even if that means supporting their choice not to breastfeed. No not because I want everyone to like me , but because I feel like it all ties together and I wouldn’t feel true placing conditions on mothers on whether I would or wouldn’t welcome and support them.

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6.) Puts a lot of pressure on moms to the point it may cause them resentment and frustration towards their breastfeeding journey. Feeling like you have to breastfeed to be a good mom is not a reason to breastfeed. Your baby may sense that frustration and could make things difficult when it doesn’t need to be.

7.) Because breast is not best it’s the biological norm. I will not use language that derived from big corporations designed to pit mothers against each other by setting up a “standard” for best and worst. I do not think in terms of better or worse. The worst would be baby not getting fed at all.

8.) Because every mom has a story and I have no right coming at anyone and questioning their parenting abilities or their choices. 

9.) I love and accept people and want to be a helping hand anyway that I can. I have found that acceptance is a true trait in advocacy. It shows people that they have someone not putting pressure on them to do it this way or that way. They have someone out there willing to stand up for them no matter what they choose. I’ve learned that it helps moms go into breastfeeding less focused on the pressure of being judged or criticized for having struggles or quitting sooner than they had planned. 

I often catch a lot of heat from both the breastfeeding community and from moms who don’t breastfeed. I can post a benefit of breastfeeding and will get accused of implying their formula fed baby will go without. I can post something supportive of all moms and be questioned on why.  Seems like I can’t win either way which is fine because I’m not trying to win anything. I will always support you even if that means supporting your decision not to breastfeed. 

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