Is celebrating postpartum weight loss a jab towards woman who didn’t lose the weight as well?

   So last night on my Breastfeeding mama talk facebook page I had woman sharing their postpartum pics. I really don’t know what started it as I didn’t announce any picture theme. All I saw was positive post after positive post of woman who were proud of their bodies. It didn’t even dawn on me that woman who might not be so proud would be offended by it. I would think differently if they were adding some sarcastic text like, “I lost the weight after kids, what’s your excuse?” As that is a direct attack to someone else. But I would never have thought that woman simply proud of an achievement with whatever it may be would spark such an uproar, Since when did it become a crime to be happy for YOURSELF? Since when did being happy for YOURSELF mean that you are attacking someone who isn’t? I’m genuinely asking here as this is a learning process for me everyday. I’m someone who has had an empathetic nature all my life and with my empathy not only do I feel bad for people but I can also feel genuinely happy and proud for someone else. I’m able to sense their happiness, enthusiasm, and it’s as if I’m proud of myself. It’s hard to explain. Basically I’m sensitive and people around me effect me whether it’s a positive or a negative. So I guess in my excitement for someone else all I’m thinking about in the moment is how proud and happy I’am for them and wanting to shout it out with them, The thought that being happy for someone else would also mean I’m offending someone else in the process never occurred to me.

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    I never want anyone feeling bad about something. My goal with the support group is to provide a  positive atmosphere and a safe place for woman to share a piece of themselves with whatever it may be. So while I’m there for woman who need to vent and moan I’m also very much there for woman who feel proud and are wanting to share it. People that have been following the page for awhile should already know this by now. I even typed up a mission statement trying to clarify any misunderstandings about what we are about and what are goals are. Since the number one thing I focus on in building confidence for woman of ANY SHAPE AND SIZE you can maybe see why I would be so thrilled to want to share their confidence on the page. Whether it’s to draw out other woman to post pics of themselves or even inspire woman to maybe get to a place one day where if they weren’t proud now maybe they could be in the future. 

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    Breastfeeding mama talk supports woman of ALL race and weight we have no ONE standard that we go on as far as looks go. We know everybody is different and what may work for some may not work for others. For example, breastfeeding & weight loss is an ongoing debate and I don’t know why it is. As everyone is different which means different methods are needed for everyone to lose weight. What may work for some may not work for someone else. Which is why you won’t see our page promoting that breastfeeding is a for sure way to lose weight. It is however a for sure way to burn calories. But burning calories doesn’t always mean that you will lose weight. 

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    So I want to know what your take is on this. Should a woman that is proud about their weight less not post about it or share weight loss before and after pics  because it’s insensitive to woman who didn’t lose the weight they would have liked? I would think if anything that it would be inspiration. But again I learn something new everyday I get deeper into the support/advocacy world. I want to be as supportive of a person as I can be and I never thought that supporting one woman’s success or proud moment would  at the same time be putting someone else down.  So help me understand why that would be. How being happy for one persons accomplishment would automatically be a jab to someone else. Why does a negative even need to be involved? Why can’t we as woman STOP competing with each other and START empowering each other. That is what I’m about anyway. I get more of a natural high lifting someone up not putting someone down.  

Thank you for reading and please subscribe to this blog and comment your thoughts.

Kristy (founder/creator of breastfeeding mama talk)

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31 thoughts on “Is celebrating postpartum weight loss a jab towards woman who didn’t lose the weight as well?

  1. I love it and see no issues with celebrating others success. I feel if this is looked on as negative, you need to re-evaluate yourself and why you have joined this page because we can see it is only meant for encouragement and positivity amongst mothers.

  2. I think a woman should be able to share the before and after. I don’t feel it’s being insensitive. It’s not about the other women, it’s about the woman who posted feeling proud about her outcome and wanting to share. It’s like sharing breastfeeding photos…are we insensitive to those who can’t breastfeed for whatever reason? What about labor photos and stories of those who had a natural childbirth…are we insensitive to those who had to have a C-section? I don’t think that is ever anyones intention to make others feel bad. It’s about celebrating and supporting. There will always be people however that feel bad or jealous about others success, etc. Nothing we can really do about that. But I for one will always like, congratulate, etc someone for being happy and proud of something they have accomplished, because it’s not about me, it’s about them.

  3. We lives in a society where many people think that if they are offended by something, then it is the fault of the other person. In my opinion, if your proud of your weight loss, whether 5 lbs or 50 lbs, if you want to post a picture, then post it. If someone is offended by it, then it is likely that they are upset with themselves for not losing their pregnancy weight.

    • I couldn’t agree more! I know nervous have felt this way. I still choose to be happy for that person it just hurt inside.

  4. No. People that get offended are just being selfish. Not everything is aimed toward you! Women need to celebrate their individual shapes and sizes! Be proud and happy for others

  5. I seen a few of the pics on your facebook page and I was thrilled to see them. I am 3 weeks PP and I have mixed feelings about my weight loss. I am 2 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight but at the same time I still have the belly. But in all fairness I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED seeing all those positive pictures of ladies that had lost the weight so quickly. It really gave me motivation to keep working on my own weight loss.

  6. I think it’s great! I am 8 wks pp and I haven’t lost a lot of weight. But I look at these pics and think “they did it so I can too!” Anyone who gets offended is just looking to argue.

  7. I think some woman need to get over themselves. Yeah I may get a little envious of someone and their accomplishments but thats my problem. Good job for the woman who have lost weight and feel great about them selves and even better for them that have the balls to be able to show that to the world, especailly when they are not all the way there of losing the weight but in the middle stages…. I love when you said “Why can’t we as woman STOP competing with each other and START empowering each other” I agree with you! Other woman can stop being a jelouse b. and Get off their high horse. Its hard to lose weight I know, and for others it comes easy. Yes I hate the fact that I am not one of those people, but Im not going to put someone else down and make them feel bad that they can. I gained a lot of weight after my husband was injured in the line of combat but nothing inspires me more to get back in shape then seeing other woman in shape. Yeah I feel bad about myself but only for a moment then I feel motivated to get my butt out there and do what I need to do to get back in shape. I cant wait to show everyone my before and after photos after I have my little girl next month. And I hope I am able to see more woman posting their before and after photos and how breastfeeding has helped them

  8. Is that last picture you? Beautiful! Anyway I have worked closely with women who give up breastfeeding early because they can’t lose weight, and I’ve worked with women who magically drop 50lbs in two months while breastfeeding. I think posting the pictures and supporting each other is wonderful in general, however when the picture is PURELY about weight loss, I can see how that would take away from empowering women and breastfeeding, rather than add to it. It is just SO SO SO hard for some women. As far as I’m concerned I think keeping the post and pictures aimed towards women and babies and boobies and happiness is the way to go, lets keep weight off the table puhlease 🙂

  9. I guess I started all this last night! I never thought it would spark such controversy. I simple felt skinny and was happy about it. But like all aspects of life, there always ppl trying to steal others sunshine. I mean, we all know weight loss is never a guarantee. No two ppl are the same! I never meant to offend anyone. I was actually just wanting to share how awesome breastfeeding is in ALL aspects! I mean, we can feed our children entirely from our bodies, reduce our chances of breast cancer, & burn calories (I won’t say lose weight anymore). That’s just some of the perks! I’m a third time BF mom and I try to convince everyone it’s amazingly awesome! No “BUTTER” here! Hey, God gave us boobs to feed not for a mans pleasure! And in the words of Thumper, if ya can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all! Kudos to all moms, skinny or thick, tall or short, breast or bottle, white or black we are all SUPERHEROS! Now let’s all SUPPORT each other!

  10. I personaly think that if people are upset that women are posting proud pics then its because they are not happy with their body and that is not our fault we should be able to be happy about the way our body looks without being judged for it.. I didn’t post any pictures of myself but I was very proud of my self after having my son I was back in my normal clothes in 6 days and I was proud.. and noone can take that away from me

  11. Everyone talks about breast feeding and how the weight pours off, for some, me, that is not the case! I’m starving all the time, eat healthy but I can’t diet or I have nothing to pump (tried)! I’m not mad at the pics, just envious. 15 months and still going strong! Ill diet when he weans 🙂 9 months to put on, 9 years to come off lol

  12. Woman should always celebrate their accomplishments and things they are proud of. Woman that lose weight easily great for tgem, women that struggle to lose weight i am sorry but that doesnt mean you should be offended by somwone elses success.
    I am excited for any woman who is proud of herself. If she is proud of her curves or her six pack abs or her soft body.
    I am a short overweight woman trying to accept my body but i will never ask someone to not be proud and not shout it from the roof tops.
    Congratulations to all the mamas for all of their accomplishments.

  13. For the people that have lost the weight I say “good for you”! I haven’t lost the weight in fact I have gained more but I am in no way offended by pictures of confident women. I wish I had their confidence! They inspire me to start working on loosing the weight. Thanks ladies!

  14. Amen to your beautiful and well explained write up 🙂 I am also very empathetic and sensitive to others around me! I feel genuine sadness, happiness and what ever emotions and respect it as their own but can also share in the true feeling of that emotion! I am 4 months pp and also have an amazing 18month old . I’ve have a very rough breastfeeding journey with my first and gave up at 2months. I was very down on myself at times about myself and my body. With my second it was a beautiful birth and we got off to the Best breastfeeding relationship you could ask for. I am much more positive about everything this time around including my body! I lost weight in the first 2months and then gained a few inches around my mid-section, It’s hard to lose this weight and that’s a fact! Anyone who does must of worked hard for it! I think it’s an incentive and anyone who wants to argue it should be looking at it for encouragement and not jealousy. 😀

  15. I read through many of the posts and I felt like it wasn’t so much the weight loss it was the “look what breast feeding did for me, you’re Doug something wrong if you’re still fat” posts. See, as I’ve been told bye midwives, dietician and my personal trainer, nursing isn’t necessarily the reason anyone loses weight quickly. Yes, you burn 300-500+ extra calories a day, however for some people they could be formula feeding and still drop postpartum the same way. Just as someone could be formula feeding and struggle as much as I have to lose my post partum weight. It’s not for lack of effort I assure you. My diet is around 1800 calories a day and I typically work out 4-6 times per week. My body doesn’t lose weight easily. Anyone that was offended I understand! I think it’s hard to feel so frustrated with yourself, the weight gain and see it just melt away immediately for someone doing exactly what you are! That’s when people need to realize, hey it’s not the breast feeding it’s that mamas metabolism and make up. That being said I agree we should be proud of each other and build one another up rather than tear

  16. One of the things I enjoy about your page is how personally you invest in it, anyone can see that you honestly care about the community and the individuals in it. I haven’t been a mom all that long (5.5 months), but it seems to me like there are lots of people out there who take themselves and especially their role as Mother FAR too seriously and will be personally offended by anything that anyone does differently than they do, especially if the other person has the nerve to be HAPPY about whatever it is they’re doing “wrong.” Don’t let them get to you, you’re doing a great job!

    • 9mos pp and still have 15lbs to go, despite devoted dieting and exercise. With my dd, I didn’t lose the last until she weaned and I got shamed by my OB/GYN for not having lost ‘fast enough.’ Save starving, the rate at which I lost weight was totally out of my control, as it is this time around, too.

      I have no problem with these pics and am happy for the gorgeous mamas, BUT there is this idea that those who lose it are somehow virtuous, when really, they are simply lucky, so I can see how these posts could make someone who is struggling feel as though they have failed. For example, those women who lose, say, 30 lbs in 8 short weeks did not lose 30lbs of fat. This kind of ‘weight loss’ is mostly fluid.

  17. I agree that one woman’s success should not be another woman’s failure. Gandhi said “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” I think that is so important to internalize. If some other woman’s success hurts you, it has nothing to do with that other woman and everything to do with your own lack of confidence or decision to find pain. I think we need to remember that we are responsible for our own actions and feelings, and take responsibility instead of blaming an other for causing it.

    I love to see woman who are taking control and having success! Please don’t give into the uber-PCing that goes on. It can’t always be a trophy for everyone, make sure no one has hurt feelings. We all need to learn to stand on our own two feet, arm in arm with our fellow goddesses of all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages!

  18. Thank you for writing this post and sharing your views – and the other mothers’ success stories. I am currently expecting baby # 4, and I can only hope to look as fabulous as some of those mamas so quickly after delivering. I do not feel threatened by their weight loss, nor is it any skin off my back to celebrate their success. Do I wish to lose weight too when the time is right – of course – but that doesn’t mean that I don’t also wish the same for others in the same situation. As support group is there to celebrate successes and support each other when things don’t quite go as we planned. But without the celebration it is merely just a big pity party – and who wants to be a part of that!?! Thank you for creating this community!!!!

  19. I was shocked yesterday as i didnt know you can loose weight so soon after a baby. I thought there was a 6 week no heavy exercise rule. So seeing that women lost from breast feeding like that was pretty cool to me. I think we should empower each other and not tear each other down because were there to learn and give answers to questions we know to help other moms. I love the facebook page but i am also saddened by it some times as it seems some women are only there to give a rude remark. As women we need to be more supportive of eachother. Even if we dont personally know the other women of the page.

  20. It’s the same with breast feeding if someone says how proud they are that they managed to breast feed with out giving up or supplementing with formula the women that were unable to breast feed pounce on them. THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH FORMULA, or my favourite NOT ALL WOMAN CAN BREASTFEED. ridiculousness and jealousy x

  21. I for one have not lost all my pregnancy weight yet and I am almost 5 months postpartum. I am still over 20lbs overweight for my body. I’m not sad about it and I’m not happy about it, but other people’s happiness does not upset me. If anything, it encourages me to continue to try. I am having a time trying to find a healthy medium with giving my first baby attention and having her happy with time to herself. Which means I get no time to myself so far, and thus not being able to excercise. I’m sure if I really really tried I could find time, but I find it more important to take my few extra minutes to myself to clean my house and do my laundry and maybe finish my thank you cards lol. One day I will lose the weight, and I partially owe that to the encouragement of the women who have succeeded in doing so. People who find it rude or badgering to show this success and pride are taking it the wrong way and shouldn’t be. If you’re proud of you body, it shouldn’t matter what other people look like. If it really bothers you, then try harder to get to your body’s rightful weight. Only you can make that change and you shouldn’t take your frustration with yourself out on other people.

  22. I think that we as women should lift
    each other up! I gained over 60lbs. During my first pregnancy. It did not come off easily. I often felt bad about my body. It was not until ds was a year old with lots of dieting & exercise that I started to feel good about myself. I didn’t get back to my pre prego weight but I felt good again! During this time I would get really hurt when other women lose so fast. However I was still happy for them! I would never think they were putting me down. They worked their butts off & were simply proud & had/have every right to be excited & share about it! With my youngest ds I was a lot more careful during pregnancy ( plus a lot more sick.) I gained 35 & it was much easier (faster) to take the weight off. It was still work though with diet & exercise. I was proud of myself. My point is that I have been on both sides of this. We should be happy for one another. Let’s use others success stories to help motivate ourselves without being too hard on ourselves because everyone’s body is different. Plus women with c-secs take longer to heal therefore taking longer to be able to exercise. We all know the weight can & will come off with some hard work. We just need to quit being so hard on ourselves & quit taking our feelings out on others success. We can all do this ladies. We need to stick together & have realistic expectations for ourselves and our bodies

  23. Some women feel so bad and insecure of themselves when they don’t lose the pregnancy weight that as soon as they see someone who did lose it they get jealous. Of course we all wish we could be able to look thin after pregnancy but it doesn’t work for everyone. They probably don’t have emotional support from their partners or family and top that with low self esteem issues, you get those negative comments.
    During my pregnancy I heard so many women complaining of how their postpartum bodies have given them such low self esteem and how terrible they feel about themselves and their bodies. I was actually scared of going through that as I suffered from low self esteem since I was little.
    However, after I had my baby I felt so beautiful! Never had I felt this way about myself. I find myself to be pretty and though I have not lose all my pregnancy weight, I like how I look. Of course there’s the belly and half the weight that I need to lose but hey, I can exercise! But while I wait for my episiotomy to heal I am loving every bit of myself!

  24. Pingback: Body & Mind after Baby: 16 weeks postpartum | lisa laughs

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